Guilty until proven innocent

Since the day I turned 18 and got arrested for the first of what would turn out to be upwards of a dozen times I learned how completely full of shit this statement truly is.

A cop cuffs n stuffs you, throws you in the back of his car, then takes you on down to the station so he can take calls about how he really is interested in changing his long distance telephone service while he should be doing paperwork so you can get this over with. Finally after the assclown is done you are graced by his presence on a lovely stroll to the crossbar motel. Your stay here can range from very short to very long depending on a few things.

How drunk you are
What time it is
How big of a pain in the ass you were
How many times you have been here

You are now waiting on a magistrate to have time to arraign you. If you are lucky she will set your bond at PR which means you have to pay nada. I have never been this lucky.
Usually there is at least one bondsman lurking around magistrate court so you will need to locate this guy or have someone else do it. You could also just call one. If you are like me you will have one on speed dial on your cell phone which does not help you because you are not allowed to use it. Good think I got it in my memory too huh?

You or your bondsman posts your bond and after signing your life away on a few pieces of paper saying you understand what you are being charged with you are escorted back to the jail, cuffed again because hey, you might run away right?

You get your shit back that you came to jail with minus whatever cash the guards felt like keeping for themselves when you were originally brought in.

You walk out of the jail unguarded, in your own clothes, an not cuffed. You are now free to leave the jail. What the difference is between now and when you were walking back from court to jail when you had to be cuffed I do not know.

You are now on bond. You are not allowed to leave the state, or break any laws. The result in doing so can mean your bond will be revoked and you will have to sit in jail until your court hearing which is yet to be determined. They will send you a notice to appear in the mail that will tell you to appear many months later from the date you receive it.

You now require the assistance of a lawyer. You track one down and go visit him. He asks you a lot of questions then tells you he requires a five thousand dollar retainer and the right to name your first born. If you already have a child you must sign a waiver allowing him to have sex with your wife and or girlfriend.

Your court date has arrived. If your lawyer was smart he has requested a jury trial. You now go into a room full of old people with an outlook on the world that the legal system does work and that cops do not arrest innocent people and you are obviously guilty of something and that is why you are here. The task of proving your innocence is now put on your lawyer in front of this jury of people. Your life outcome has now become a game of coin toss where your lawyer flips the coin in the air and the jury calls it.

In the end if you win or lose you are still out the money you spent on the lawyer, you are out time and money for having to take off of work to appear in court. Your name was in the paper for being arrested for something you may or may not have done, and your boss without doubt now thinks you are a screw up. He/She is possibly correct.


Law enforcement, I am not a fan.