Siwel's Chili Explosion

The night of the great Chili Explosion


Being it's winter, and a severe winter at that, the high daily has been around 13 degrees not counting the windchill. The low's have been well below the negative numbers. Knowing this I find it extremely difficult to leave the house unless I absolutely have to.

I made my way to the store and picked up the ingredients to make my famous death chili. Since you more than likely do not know what my death chili consists of I will post the procedure in making it on a blog once I am finished writing this one.

Anyhow;
The chili is now made, and Houston we have a problem. The waterline to the house has froze and busted. Great. I inspect the damage which isnt too severe and will require a re-solder of 2 joints. Ah well, I will get to it tomm.

Day 2.
Second day of eating chili, water is now fixed, toilet is operational, which is good.

Day 3.
Somewhere between 3am and 8am the water freezes again. This time it's royally fucked. Pipes busted, you name it, it's basically un-fixable without total removal and replacement. This displeases me and I am so pissed off at this I inquire professional help to fix it. Help will be here Sat. to fix it. Today is Thursday. Fuck it, I can live without a toilet, the gas station is just down the road if I need to use it anyhow.

Night time comes on day 3.
It has been a shitty day, I decide it is time to drink. I back this thought up by a trip to the gas station to purchase a case of beer. Sten calls, him an BC are comin over to drink as well. We kick around the idea of going out then decide to watch E.R. before we venture out.

Case's are drank. (see pic)

It is at this time that the consumption of chili for 2 days straight and downing a case of beer in under 2 hours has brought forth the overwhelming need to use the toilet.
I dont mean "I think I need to use the facality". I am talking about "holy shit, get out of my way, im on a mission to go work the porcelain"

Being half blitzd and in udder need of using the el-grande-pisser as a portal to take my oncoming explosion of ass-piss I forget that the water is not working. I remember the minute I go to flush the jaba-the-hut-like pike of watery fecal matter sitting at the bottom of the toilet. I close the lid to the mighty toilet which has survived this atom-bomb like explosion and walk into the livingroom.

It is now time to go bar hoppping. After all it's 11:30 on a Thursday night, I am sure there is tons of places we can go.. Ha.

Beer's in hand we pile into a standard cab 4wd Chevy which of course is a 5spd. I screw around outside in the freezing ass cold while BC gets in. Immediatley he realises why I did this. He now has to ride bitch in the middle. Gotcha!

It is now evident that Sten is drunk, probably too drunk to be driving, but we are too drunk to really care. After dropping his keys twice while attempting to put them into the ignition the truck fires up. DUI's be damned we are on our way to a bar. Which bar? We don't know yet but we are in route for one of them.

We pull into the Corral.
Lights are totally off, it is obvious they are closed and have been for some time. Sten parks and gets ready to go in. We convince him they are closed and pull out of the parkinglot in route for another place. The Cameo is close, matter a fact it is right down the street from my house, we head there. It too is closed. This is bringing forth an auro of anger among the group.

We pull into River City
Lights are on, not many cars but we care not.
Walk in, we head to the bar which is an easy task being we are the only people besides maybe 3 in there. Shots are ordered with a chaser of beer. The bartender informs us that this would be last call. FUCK. We shoot it down and slam the beer an head out.

We make it to the Marina
Thursday is guys night, we totally forgot about this. Not that it mattered much because we had missed it by a few hours but the place is packed none the less. We walk in, pay cover charge and make it half way to the bar. In route we are stopped by this waitress to which I will reffer to as "Satan". She looks at me and says "doin the usual tonight?". I say yes and she goes away in route for the bar. I am not sure what in the hell that meant or what she is doing but it suonds like we will be getting alcohol placed in our hands soon. This pleases me as well as the rest of the group.

Apparently "the usual" is a shaker of Snakebite and 6 draft beers. There is 3 of us, we are already shitfaced, and this is going to be our opening round. We each chug a beer then pass the shaker back an forth til it's complete. We now each have a beer and are now mobile to wander around not having an abundance of drinks to watch. It's going to be a long night.

I have reached the stage of drunk where I like to tell people who I hate just how much I hate them and why. I am being followed by 2 people who are equally shitholed and bored. This means the first one to egg something on wins.

This guy Justin is at the end of the bar, he is a complete douche. Really he has never done anything to me, let alone anything bad to me. I however don't see it like this at the time. Neither do my two fellow drunkards. We make our way to sit beside him at the bar.

Before I have the chance Sten takes it upon himself to ask the poor guy if he had a fight with his boyfriend and came to the bar to drink his problems away. This is instantly the funiest thing I have ever heard. I immediatley back him up by saying "are you kidding me? Look at his stupid ass. He might be queer but even queers have standards. He's too big of a douchebag for women to want him, what makes yuo think any queer would want him either?"

This enrages Justin, he says nothing, looks at his beer then sprints off to another part of the bar. He is pissed but there is not much he can do about it. The bartender apparently dislikes this Justin as much as we, he gives us a round on the house.

The bartender is cool.
We are assholes.

For the rest of the evening we are pretty much planted on the barstools. We sit there bullshitting about god knows what, eating popcorn, and consuming more draft beer than anyone should ever partake in.

Now is time for the ride home. I would write about it, but I dont really remember any of it. I know I woke up at my house, in bed, so it must not of been too awful bad.
I remember the toilet situation upon waking the next morning which displeased me being I now have the draft-beer shits. I make a mad dash for the truck and head for the gas station.



Thank god for Clean restrooms at the local BP