Why Bdub's sucks

- episode 1 -
The Bdubs saga


A long long time ago, in a bar far far away, there lived Java the slut. Java was a fat, irritable, ugly woman who was obviously unhappy with her life. This aura of unhappiness was visible to even the most beer-blinded of drunks. (namely your's truly)

Bdubs was a bar not unlike many others. It had it's share of friendly staff members along with it's duds. All employee's shared a common bond, they all lived in fear of being eaten by their boss, Java. They knew all it would take is one slip up and they would become a deep fried snack smothered in hotsauce with a pickle on the side.

Java was rarely seen by the drunkards as she found it difficult at times to stay on her feet for too long because of her excessive weight. From time to time however, after hours of rest in her lair far below the floor of Bdubs she would chain her slave "San's Homo" to her rascal and he would pull her and her chariot of obesity to the barfloor so she could seek out scraps and leftovers that customers may have left at their table when they decided it was time to leave the bar.

On this occasion Java was not expecting sir' Shitface Linewalker of the Drunkard Council. Linewalker had heard stories of Java and how her people lived in fear under her rule. The Drunkard Council had appointed him to overthrow her rule and free the fine people of Bdubs so that they may work and drink in peace without fear of becoming dinner for the obese Java.

As Linewalker sat on his barstool he glanced over to his beer an seen it shake. Again, he noticed a shake on the floor. This shake became stronger with each passing second. Was it the beginning of what could only be an earthquake? No, it was the pitter padder of obese feet walking away from the restroom where Java had clogged the toilet with what can only be described as 5 gallons of brown, semi liquid fecal matter.

Linewalker had to act fast. He had to get the attention of obese Java and keep her distracted while the workers escaped. It was only then that the battle could commence. Linewalker ordered a double shot of Cuervo. "This should do the trick" he says. He takes the shot, and almost instintaniously he regergitates it and projectiles it onto the floor right at Java's feet. He now has Java's full attention.

Armed with only his trusty Sword of Slander Linewalker hit's the obese Java with a "bitch". Then a "fat bitch" and "fat fuckin bitch". Staggering back from the blow's Java waddles back in retreat but this is not enough. Linewalker shall not rest until obese Java is defeated. He puts pen to paper and writes down his demands. He also speaks of his ability to do things that obese Java could only dream of like seeing his toes, tieing his own shoes, walking for more than 5 feet without becoming winded, being able to wipe his own ass, buying clothes at places other than lane bryant. This outrages the obese Java.

It is now time for Linewalker to strike. He heads for the exit where obese Java is blocking his path. He pulls out his Sword of Slander and hit's her one last time with a "fat fucking cunt". BOOM! The floor shakes as obese Java goes down. The young Shitface Linewalker, high alcoholic of the Drunkard Council had been victorious in his battle with the fat side of evil.





...lately there have been rumors of evil's return to Bdubs. It is said that a new terror reigns now under the name "Fat Vader". The Council has refused to say on it's plan to remove this new evil. Will young Linewalker return to Bdubs to sleigh this new evil? Only time can tell.



- coming soon, eposide 2 -