Siwel the car salesman

I should tell you that I never keep a vehicle for more than a few months. I think it’s because of some OCD involving cars that I have. Who knows?
Anyhow I sold this shitpile 92’ Camaro this morning and just had to write this story down after it unfolded before I forgot parts of it.

(The "Bulliten Board" is a locally circulated rag which features things for sale, ect.)


I put my redneck wagon Camaro in the bulliten, I was sick of driving it and really sick of having to park it in the yard for lack of parking. Forgetting what kind of moron's you come in contact with in the bulliten the phonecall's start to roll in at about 3pm yesterday, which is the day the bulliten comes out. I get calls about it up until 10pm which is when my phone went on silent. I wasent going to bed or anything like that, I just didnt want the rest of my night of downloading music, watching porn, blogging, and bitching about random shit on forum's to be disturbed by these type's.

Basically everyone who called me I told my address an said to come by in the morning hours as I would be home most of the day until evening. 8am my phone rings, it's some redneck..

redneck; uh yea i talked to yew bout dat camaro' yew have in da bulliten
jay; uhm, yea.. dood im in bed
redneck; oh, well ima outside here lookin at it
jay; well its unlocked, go ahead an check it out but im sleeping, come back in an hour
redneck; uhhh allrighty

Ok, now, I figured I had done pissed this guy off an wouldnt be seeing him again. Did not really care either tho.. It was early, I was tired. As soon as I retreat back to my next attempt of REM sleep my phone rings again. This time it's some dood who I guess I also talked to last night around 10pm. He says he wants to come look at it, I say no prob stop by in an hour.

About 9am my phone rings, I am displeased.
It's the redneck and he is back. He takes it for a drive, offer's me $1,000 for it which is $200 under my asking price. I only wanted $1,000 which is why I put it in there for more. Ppl are fu$%in jew's. I agree to the price and him an his "ol' lady" leave to go to the bank.

2min later my phone rings, it's guy #2 and he is outside.
I walk out an talk to him, he is drinking a beer, at 9am.
I immediately like this guy.

He looks it over an I inform him of the ppl who had just left to go to the bank. He tells me he would like to have it but it's no big deal. Instantly the lightbulb above my head turns on.

me; dood, wana make an easy $100?
dood; uhh, ok, is it legal?
me; ha yea, when these ppl come back just tell them you want the car an are willin to give me $1,100 for it
dood; ok but what if they say fine he can have it? Honestly I was going to offer you $800 it’s all I got.
me; no problem, if that happens just turn to me an ask if ill take a check, I will say no, then you get upset an ramble off.
dood; welp *takes a swig of beer* allrighty

The redneck re-arrives, this is going to be sweet.

redneck; welp i got your money son
me; well this dood just showed up an i told him you went to the bank. He offered me $100 more
redneck; i thought we had a deal son?
me; deal? title an keys are in my hand, the money isnt.
redneck; hmm, well i sure do like this here car. i dont think its right but I can give you the $1,200 yousa askin but ima have go'n back to the bank
me; ok dood.

So this guy leaves to go back to the bank. Me an guy #2 are standing on the porch laughing our asses off.
He offers me a beer. I do not decline.

After a few minute's of bullshitting the redneck is back.

redneck; uh whats'a dat feller doin still here?
me; ah he was just waitin to make sure you did come back with the money
redneck; yup got er' right here
me; aight dood *counts it out* cool, here's your title/keys/bill of sale
redneck; ok ima have the ol' lady follow me to the barn
me; uh, you not gona put license on that fudge thing?
redneck; nope, dont reckon i am
me; haha ok dood, dont call me from jail

They leave.
Me an guy #2 are laughing our asses off. He says it's time for him to leave and any fear he has ever had of being pulled over is now curbed due to this idiot driving around tag-less.
I hand him his $100 an he thanks me. I thank him for the beer, an he takes off to his truck.

Im an asshole.